I started this yesterday – and posted it to Running After Papa – but I added more as I mulled over the passages again. I may later post something on my continued journey through Romans. If you want to read Parts 1-4 of this series, its at http://runningafterpapa.blogspot.com. Part 1 starts in October 2008.
Ephesians 5:25 ESV Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
This will be the final post in this series. I want to explore a couple of words in this verse that have changed the way I understand and respond to this verse. The first word is “as” and is used “… as Christ…” This little word delivers a big meaning for me. Look at how Strong’s defines it:
1 according as; 1A just as, even as; 1B in proportion as, in the degree that.
Look at 1B, “in proportion as“, or “in the degree that.” Just inserting it into the verse changes it. “… love your wives, in proportion as Christ loved the church…”
The second word is “gave.” The idea of the word here is to give into the hands of another. Its the same idea behind the word betray. Inserting this thought into the verse would render it something like this. “… and gave himself into the hands of another for her,…”
Interesting thought. It just implies giving up ones self. We know Christ gave himself to be beaten, scourged, ridiculed, and crucified, but he also gave of himself, 24×7. When Jesus goes off to pray, it’s always in the wee hours of the morning. I wonder if that’s because that was the only time he had for himself, because he gave his life away… literally. He gave every moment of his life away.
Dr. Benjamin B. Phillips of Southwestern Theological Seminary wrote this in his Practical Theology class Spring 2007:
As recipients of God’s love we are expected to love (Matthew 5:44-48). An example of this is in marriage. Husbands are to love their wives like Christ love the church. (Eph. 5:25). The word love in this instance is agape, which means seeking the highest good for another person. This love is revealed in the death and resurrection to life in Jesus Christ (1 John 4:9-11). In our marriages we should not withhold love or affection because of circumstances that may arise. We must continue to love no matter how we are treated by our neighbor we must still love and be perfect, just as our heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:43-48). Our love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:8-10).
This is how I am called to love my wife. “… in the degree that Christ loved the church…”.
Here’s another point. The church – the very one Christ gave his life for – is the very same church that beat him, scourged him, hated him, rejected him, and ultimately crucified him. Hosea, by God’s calling, marries a prostitute and redeems her over and over to draw the picture of exactly what Christ did for the church.
This is how I am called to love my wife. “… in the degree that Christ loved the church…”.
How does that look? Its different for every husband. Maybe its making the bed every moment. Maybe its getting her a glass of water, even when it’s not a commercial. Maybe its as Peter admonishes us:
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT) In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
Again, Dr. Phillips wrote this in his Practical Theology classes of Fall 2007 and Spring 2007, respectively:
As we examine the practical side of holiness we see that husbands must have an unselfish attitude towards their wives. Christ gave himself to the church unselfishly and husband must do the same with their wives. Husbands should be self-sacrificing and giving, Jesus Christ extended the greatest act of sacrifice and the giving of himself at Calvary. Husbands are to be nourishing, cherishing as the Lord is to the church. Paul address the Colossians, he told the husbands, “husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them” (Colossians 3:19). He told them not to be harsh with them, which is not a sign of holiness. … Jesus Christ loves the church so much that he caused himself to identify with it. To love our wives as Christ loves the church means to identify with them. Peter tells the husband that their relationship with their wives are so important that it effects there communication line with God, … The man of God must protect his family, to assist their personal growth. Christ’s goal for the church is to make her holy, “that he might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:26).
In Ephesians 5, especially verses 25-27, Paul also contrasts the husband’s relationship with his wife with that of Christ with the church. Christ came to serve the church and to die for the church. This is what Paul is calling the husbands to do for their wives. The husbands should also be willing to put the needs of their wives before their own. The husband’s role as head is a sacrificial one that should imitate how Christ loved his bride, the church.
I know partly what it looks like at my house (mostly because I don’t have it figured out yet). I know this. I have become a student of my wife. I have looked with different and opened eyes at her and watched her… learning how I can better serve her and live with her with understanding.
This is how I am called to love my wife. “… in the degree that Christ loved the church…”.
Great finish to a fantastic writing. Tell me, being single and all, how it has changed your marriage. I want to know what I get out of it. Is it worth it? Have you studied your wife and done these things for her and everything has been the same, or has it changed your marriage? What has happened with your wife?
I’ve been thinking about the answer to your question Chandler. While I can tell you that my marriage is more alive, vibrant, and the best its ever been in the 18 years of our marriage, the better question is what the Lord asked me… “Does it matter?”
Hosea got a prostitute that continued to be unfaithful.
Jesus got crucified by the very wife he was loving.
Am I only going to love my wife the way God commands me to because it benefits me or because He said so and that’s enough?
I’m stepping on my own toes even writing this. Thank you for the question, because I never reasoned it out before. It was a good question.
Well thank you, but I really do want to know how it has changed. This wasnt just a question to make you think, I want to know since doing that what has happened in your marriage. Your marriage being alive and vibrant and the best its ever been might be accredited to yalls walk with the Lord. I would like to know how loving your wife this way i.e. serving, talking, watchig, whatever, has changed your marriage or her. I will do this because God has told me to, but to do it with a glad heart or to do it with an understanding of what I am doing I would like to know what has occurred from this.
my shift keys aren’t working, so you will get no capital letters from me….
with that being said, i believe what i am doing goes hand in hand with our walk in the lord. my actions over the last 2 or so years, have planted seeds that i do see fruit on. we argue less. i understand her more – which helps me live with her in an understanding way – per 1 peter, like we talked about on monday night – and in turn, it helps my walk with the lord grow deeper because i don’t look for my fulfillment from her or our relationship. i look more to the lord now than ever.
can i say there is a tit-for-tat experience… i do ‘x’ and she does ‘y’… no. i can say that she sees it. she sees a change in me. she appreciates me more and because of ALL of it – the effort, the studying, the serving, our individual and together walks with the lord – because of all of it, we are much stronger, emotionally and spiritually stronger, and more passionately in love than ever.
i hope that answers the question.
this was good shoe, im excited to read the rest of the series over the weekend.