Ephesians 5:25 ESV Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
OK. I”m moving on to the next few words (about time, since I’ve been on one word for three blogs…). “…love your wives…” is the phrase of this blog.
The word “love” in this verse is the Greek word “agapao /ag·ap·ah·o/” and it means to “show love” or “demonstrate love”. It also means to “take pleasure in” and “to love based on its regarded value.”
I, generally as a man, am not near expressive enough in my love to my wife. I – and I’m guessing many men – are much like the old joke of the guy who tells his wife, “I said, ‘I love you’ at our wedding and if anything changes I’ll let you know.”
Two thoughts on the definition of “love” in this verse (which by the way, the exact same Greek word is used 5 words later describing how Christ loved the church – with a demonstrated love – a sneak peek at the next blog):
How do I “speak” love to my wife?
I read a book The Five Love Languages that really opened my eyes as to how I say “I love you” to my wife. Love is spoken in (according to this book) five different languages. The interesting part is that I had to learn my wife’s languages, because I was not fluent, nor even familiar, with her languages.
It is interesting – this languages thing – I adopted one of my sons from Russia and he didn’t know any English when he came to America 4 years ago… Not a word! However, he loved to talk and was determined to learn the Enlish language. He soaked it up like a sponge and used it constantly! We couldn’t get him to shut up! 🙂 But seriously, that’s the attitude I have to have in learing my wife’s love language. It turns out that we don’t natively speak each other’s love languages. My primary language is “words of encouragement” while her primary love language is “quality time,” something I knew NOTHING about. Just like my son became proficient and fluent in English, I have become better – I won’t say I’m fluent yet – at speaking her language. In turn, the better I got at speaking love to her in HER language, the better she got at speaking love to me in MY language! Yes!
What is my “regarded value” of my wife?
“To love based on its regarded value” is another killer part of this definition of the word “agapao.” I doing a quick scan of the other times in the New Testament this Greek word is used, it is obvious that the “regarded value” is not MY regarded value. The regarded value of my wife is how my Heavenly Father, who is also her Heavenly Father, regards and values her. My love demonstrated to her is to be based on how HE values her.
Can I just tell you that is a little intimidating. I don’t yet understand the depth, breadth, highth, or length of God’s love for her, for myself, for any of us.
One of the 136 verses where this version of the word “love” is used is:
Galatians 2:20 (ESV) I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
This verse is freeing, in a way, because if I get myself out of the way, Christ will love my wife – the same way he loved the church – through me. It gets all fouled up when I step in and let my own selfish desires, my own pride, my thinking “I’ve done X number of things for her… what has she done for me?”, my keeping score, my “I want to watch the tv show, or play golf, or go fishing, or whatever…”, get in the way.
It’s not about me. Christ was the most humble servant of all. That is what he’s called me, as a husband, to be. I am to “show love” to her, to “demonstrate love”, to “take pleasure in” and “love based on [God’s] regarded value” of her.
It’s a tall order. Who’s man enough to step up?
Running After Papa…